10 Things That Will Make Me Take Your Mail Back To The Depot (or deliver it last)

postman-plod

Thing 1). You own/ manage a shop. I ask you if I can use your toilet. You say no.

Thing 2). You have parked blocking your driveway completely. I cannot get up it.

Thing 3). You have a big dog in your front garden that is looking at me in a way that says “want to know if there’s life after death? Open the gate and find out!”

Thing 4). You have dog shit on your front path.

Thing 5). You once tried to get my attention by clicking your fingers or saying “Hey, you!”

Thing 6), You saw me cut across your front lawn and came out to say “that’s not a pubic footpath you know!”

Thing 7). You chased me down the street shouting “will you put my FUCKING mail all the way through the letterbox you FUCKING TWAT!!!”

Thing 8). I inadvertently put your neighbour’s mail through your letterbox. You came out and mumbled something at me. I said “pardon?” twice and you then yelled “OH, YOU’RE DEAF AS WELL!!!”

Thing 9). You let me spend 2 or so minutes manipulating a packet through your “just big enough” letter box and then opened the door and said “you could have damaged that!”

Thing 10). You have a habit of answering the door in your underwear (and you’re either a bloke or an ugly woman).

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